Plus find out what you can do about people who don't want to get into treatment that need it.

I am leaving really, really soon for my seminar in
New York City. I decided to make a F.ree podcast
to address emails and postings that I have
received about my daily email titled

Bipolar Stability Through StrengthIf you haven't read this, you can read it
here:

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=12584731&postID=8176103732635309276

With that email, I got a post on my blog
and several emails like this one:

"A spouse has to achieve a balancing act with their
position of strength that a son/daughter does
not. A child will always legally be able to
come back tomorrow. Spouses may very well find
themselves in divorce court, dividing all the
assets they worked so hard to protect. Your
dad who always "gave in" did not have the same
advantage as you. HE could always be thrown out
of the family at her whim, but not you. So...
what is a spouse to do?"

Below you will find my podcast that addresses
that comment to me. I am currently sick but
I tried not to cough when I was making it
so if I do sorry. Also the person who lives across
the street is running like the world loudest
power saw but I don't think you can hear that.

I hope it came out okay.

Dave

Jim said...

In terms of the VA Tech massacre there were MANY dots not connected. But this raises some really interesting questions. If the medical, law enforcement, counseling, housing staff, teachers, students and others knew about this loose cannon, why wasn't something done? Obviously he had serious mental problems and nothing was done to protect the lives of the people around him. Now the other side of the story: those with mental illnesses seek help, therapy, pharmaceutical answers, support groups, etc. What about the privacy issues here? Our privacy regarding mental health issues and disorders is carefully protected--or at least it should be. So now the real question: where do we draw the line between medical privacy and public safety? Are the rights of the one held higher than the well being of the rest? Or is public safety of all held higher than the rights of the one? I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWER to this question. But it's something that we all need to dialog a lot about. I'm sure that Dave will have some thoughts about this topic in the near future.

================================

*******************************************************

Dear David,

Hello, please listen closely, I'm very intrested in the (complete) Bi-Polar Course you're talking about.

But, I'm NOT about/going to pay / afford ANY amount !!!

So, please do NOT be greedy, arrogant, Money Hungery, ETC......because it will NOT make things / lives better

SO please understand that evenough I'm interested in the course.......I'm NOT going to pay for it !!!!!!

Sincerely,

Allen

==================================================

Hi David

Thank you for all of your email. I has read every one of them. The story about the killing in Virginia College, I am sure that the family did all they could do to help this child but no one listen until it was too late.

There is really no help for mental ill people.Last year my son spend over 80 days in the mental hospital, he was put in the hospital over six different times

and do to the insurance wish is state Medicaid he could only stay a short period, and the doctors even told me that some of the medicine its takes about ninety days to see if the medicine is going to work.My son is 16 and Bipolar and also my brother is too.

My brother was put in a mental hospital when he was eight and they told my mother that he was just mean and want to has his way all these years my mother has tried to get help for my brother and has gotten anywhere now my bother is 32 years old and cannot hold a job, can not get social security or Medicaid he has no way to get his medicine or even see a doctor, Last year he was but in a hospital after he tried to kill his self for about 10 days and the doctor said that he was bipolar.

Julia

==================================

Dave, I really need help. We are in bad shape. My son has bipolar disorder. Please help us.

Steve

================================

mlos410 said...

I have bipolar disorder as do many people in my family. I can't stress enough how important it is to have a system in place. If someone in your family is acting out, raging, punching a whole in the wall DO NOT CALL THE POLICE!!

Because if your family member lunges at a patrolman they will shoot and kill him even though he/she doesn't have a weapon. The police just assume that they do and shoot to kill.

Many people with bipolar disorder are killed this way every year.

If only the kid at VA Tech had a group system in place this would never have happened At the very least he could have been 302'd and held involuntarily in a hospital. If he wanted to get out early he would have to go before a judge who would have been made aware of his behavior and ideations and would turn down his release and he would have to finish his therapy and medication at the hospital. We have had to hospitalize children in our family so they could make some needed drug changes. And my best friend has had to 302 his adult daughter several times. Better safe than sorry. I'm sure you don't want your loved one incarcerated or dead at the hands of the police.

Or have others dead because he was not monitered closely.

========================================

comments: How can companies advertise herbal products to fight bi-polar disorder. My mother has bipolar and reading one of these ads could put the idea in her head to stop taking her medicine and start taking one of the less effective supplements. I think something should be done. I'm sure thier are other people who agree with me that these advertisements are more distructive than productive for people with bipolar who don't process the information correctly and don't understnd that supplements aren't as effective as the meds they are perscribed. Thanks for giving me someone to vent to.

--christine

Minmelt said...

Dear Dave, Sounds as if you are heading for a burnout yourself. Please take some quick down time to rejuvenate yourself. Try to remember to not get to hungry, tired, lonely, or tired (HALT). I am part of a support group of family and friends of another lifelong disease. One of the first things I learned was that I needed to take care of myself first, before I could help anyone else. I just recently started receiving your newsletters for your information. However, I had some concerns because you seemed so engulfed. You are a valuable asset to the Bipolar community. And have a vast resource of information and experience. But please take care of yourself. This can be very difficult during a crisis....but absolutely necessary in order to proceed with what needs to be accomplished. Even if it is just some quick nap..or quick time out to do something that is enjoyable and relaxing.

All the knowledge and information in the world is of no use, if we are not feeling well enough ourselves to ue it.

Some things are out of our control. That is life for everyone. As you say...it is all a learning experience. Thank you for sharing your eperiences.

============================================

lorriane44 said...

Sorry about your mom. My husband just went through another unexpected bount too and I feel for you. My husbands doctor incressed his med's and thinks that will help. I am not totally convinced that is the right answer. Call me stpticel. I don't think once a month is often enough for him to see his shrink. I don't believe he tells her much at all. Compared to what I see every day. He hides the truth from her and she don't get it. We've been married 25 years. Why won't doctors ever get some feedback from family. Too help them, help their patiants. Lorriane44@sy

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Patty said...

Thankyou so much.I found all articles very informative

======================================

hey david im brittany my fiance has bipolar in addition to ADHD and minor schizophrenia. he had major outburts and would scare everyonehe would push people and yell. however he never pushed me hed yell but never lay his hands on me. well 2 years ago he stood up to his abusive mom and started having an outburst in the middle of the fight. he got $1500 fines and probation, which his ADHD, bipolar, and schizo affected his ability to sleep normally, get up in mornings and do any work related things. so he never did his required things for probation. he now is in jail for violation and he was talkin to his lawyer and judge and requested to be sent to a hospital (court ordered) so he cna get proper medication so he can function properly. Do you think its possible he can get proper meds to succed in his life? If theres more needed could you please advise me because we are working together to make this work so we can raise a family and not introduce babies to violence. we even want to live in a town in the middle of nowhere so theres no gangs, guns, or drugs around them if you have any advice my ears are wide open.

Thank you,

Brittany

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Jim said....

I hate you and you are a scam. Your information sucks!!!

Take me off your list. You are a liar your mom doesnÃïït have

nothing liar!!!

==========================

Mary said....

Why do you keep pushing medication on people. It's like

you are a drug rep. Take me off your list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

==========================================

Hi,

I had a new idea a week ago. I would take certain emails and blog posts
that I got and respond to them orally.

Here are the comments:

"I can't find your blog. I just wanted to comment that I feel that you think that only people with bipolar get upset and yell and lie. It seems to be a theme with you. Maybe all of the people who called and screamed curses at you were the families of the people who have bipolar, you know, the ones who drove them nuts? Statistics show that more mentally ill people are abused than abusers. Chew on that, Dave."

-Debby

===========================================

  "Could you tell me what medication your mom uses? it would help greatly with my daughter."

-Diane

============================================

"David, wonder if I might offer a little 'constructive criticism'. I've been at this bipolar thing for a long while myself. My husband was hospitalized twice before I knew him. He spent a lifetime with parents who were of the generation I'm assuming your father is-they didn't do the right things for him. They just figured that he would eventually snap out of it, see the error of his ways and do the right thing....then along comes Mary-proactive, strong, determined, in love and willing to fight the good fight-we've been married over a decade and together for years prior to that-I, like you did the research, read the books, ran a support group-I know this illness inside and out-I also know what it's like to be married to this illness and to lose oneself in the wake of it all.

I found your webiste while doing some research for a friend. I logged in thinking I might find some interesting things-while I'm not going to pay for your courses, I have been reading your emails and I do find them interesting but I do also, now here is where the constructive criticism comes in-bear with me-find them to be a little bullish. I see that your intentions are noble and I do understand the plight you've lived as a child of a bipolar parent-but I read your words and I feel like if I didn't know what I know and was solely relying on this email to guide me, I would feel guilty as hell for not having the energy to do what I need to do......being a parent or a spouse to a bipolar person is exhausting. It is draining. It leaves us with guilt, pain and shame like no other. In the midst of my husband's diagnosis I became isolated where before I was gregarious and outgoing. I became depressed and confused because I always had to have my eyes open. I was reading everyday, calling doctors, seeing therapists....I was doing all the right things but I was wasted.

I read your emails and I feel like you are writing them with an admonishing tone...these people are searching for this information because they are in pain, they are riddled with worry, and confusion and doubt and fear. They are less than who they really are because they have been beaten down by an illness that has taken it's toll on their loved one and as a result has killed a part of them as well.....imagine feeling like that and then opening your email looking for support to find that you have an email telling you that you're blowing it because you're not learning fast enough, searching hard enough, reading enough books or doing the right thing.

David, change with this illness does not come over night-a diagnosis doesn't come overnight-sometimes, like with my husband, it takes years to get the proper diagnosis-Bipolar Illness is one of the most difficult mental illnesses to treat because there are so many components and levels-everyone reacts differently to meds, every 'caretaker' has a different level of tolerance, ability and strength and some caretakers are so beaten down by the time a diagnosis is reached that they themselves have lost their own ability to cope...I know that what you're doing is done with the best of intentions. Who wouldn't want to share what they've learned when they find something that works but is it possible for you to ease up a little on the guilt trips? I get the message you're trying to convey-we do need to be advocates, we do need to educate ourselves, we do need to find the right doctors the right meds and the funds to finance these endeavors-but we also need to be treated with kindness and gentle persuasion....not everyone operates with the same determination and energy that you did in helping your mom and as I did in helping my husband. I am a strong woman with the thick skin and a pair of brass ones...but I occasionally fell apart and got lost in this illness-it tears us down and rips us to shreds and what we need as those who love one with bipolar illness is not admonishing guilt laden emails but a firm loving push in the right direction.....

I'm just sayin'"

-ME

==============================================

there you go again, dave. if your mom is a liar, then she is a liar. it doesn't have anything to do with bipolar. i don't lie. i don't spend all of my family's money. i don't become violent. you are doing a huge disservice to all of us who do have bipolar and manage it. people who lie, lie. people who have bipolar have bipolar. they may not be mutually exclusive, but I'll be damned if i am going to be lumped in with a bunch of people who lie just because i have bipolar. i'll be damned if i'll be lumped in with a bunch of people who are abusive, too. you are so wrong. so, the people out there who are using someone who happens to have bipolar can go to your site and say, see, that person is the liar, not me, even if the person without bipolar is a pathological liar and a pedophile. thanks for giving people like that ammunition, dave. really nice.

-Deb

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"If you really cared, you would share your information freely."

-Sara

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"Thanks Dave, you have helped me so much with all your information and your course I orderd has been so great for our family"

-Benny